Patience With Others

Have you ever had problem to resolve at work, school or home where the solution seemed so obvious, but no one else was picking up on it? And even though you point out the solution, people seem to glaze over it, spend hours discussing pros and cons, and fumble through a myriad of failed or impractical solutions. Then, after all of these seemingly unnecessary extra efforts, everyone circles back to the obvious solution you proposed in the first place.

This happens to me all of the time. It’s frustrating. I often think to myself, “Well, if you would have just listened to me in the first place we could have saved ourselves a lot wasted time and heartache here.” Also, “If you are not going to listen to me, why do I even try? Why am I here?”

Letting Others Learn

What makes the above scenario more frustrating is when everyone speaks about your idea as if they came up with it on their own. However, the fact is, they DID come up with the idea on their own and that is the point. 

In the business world allowing others time to accept and support an idea is often referred to as "creating buy-in.” The informal definition of buy-in from Merriam-Webster is an "acceptance of and willingness to actively support and participate in something." Essentially, it is all about providing information and ideas to others, helping them where it is needed and then allowing them to make their own conclusions in the hope that they will jump on board with you.

Creating buy-in is all about exercising patience with others. And exercising patience with others is all about giving them room to learn, grow, and gain experience and understanding for themselves. In work situations where I have tried to force a solution without allowing time for “buy-in,” it has always backfired on me. It has either made people completely refuse to look further into an idea that I proposed or it has caused them agree to do it, but with a chip on their shoulder about me and the idea. I have seen the same situation with my children and family members.

What I like about the concept of creating buy-in is that it reminds me that having patience with others is about building team-work. It is not about you telling others what to do. It is not about excluding others who do not agree with you. It is not about letting your emotions fly. And it is not about you being right or pridefully thinking that you know better than everyone else.

No, buy-in is about working together and so is patience with others. It is about helping others come to conclusions on their own, but not doing it for them. It is about helping people feel guided and supported, but not having something shoved down their throats.  At its core, patience is about humility, love, tolerance, temperance, forgiveness and faith.

In exercising patience with others we need to also recognize that we may never get credit for all of our efforts to help and support others. However, if we are humble and care more about others than ourselves, eventually we will see that it does not really matter if they recognize our efforts.

What We Gain

In all this discussion about having patience with others, let's not be so proud or naive in thinking that it is only about helping and supporting others learn something. In truth, having patience with others ultimately rests on us. Therefore, this means that having patience with others is equally about the things you learn along the way.

When I am patient with others, I often find new perspective about myself, those I am patient with, and whatever the issue is that I am trying to resolve. So often, patience with others also gives us time to realize if perhaps we are in the wrong and others are simply being patient with us. What I gain from patience with others is less frustration and anger in my life, and more understanding and peace. In truth, I learn how to better master my emotions, because I am consciously setting myself aside. I am working to help, support and often wait (double meaning there) on others. This personal growth, understanding and self-mastery alone is worth every once of patience that I may exercise—especially when I do not achieve all of the results that I may have so patiently waited and hoped for.

God's Approach

The approach of buy-in, patience and allowing others to learn life lessons on their own is simply the model that God uses in our lives as He exercises patience with us. That is why we are here on earth. God wants us to learn, grow and gain firsthand experience. If He did it all for us, then we would not learn things for ourselves and we certainly would not develop patience within ourselves. Not doing things for us does not mean that God will not be there to help, love, guide, and support us as we learns things firsthand.

God is always there for us. He is forever patient with us. If we are to become more like Him, we must trust in Him and learn to practice patience with others in the same way that He practices patience with us. By so doing, we will find less contention, frustration and unnecessary drama in our lives. We will learn to master our own emotions more fully and we will become more like our loving and eternally patient Father in Heaven.